Dear Mom,
Thank you for sending the Whore Barbie. It really is the perfect gift for an eight-year-old. How clever of you to find a loophole to my rule against Bratz dolls. Your granddaughter has been having a great time playing ‘Sure you’re not a cop?’ and ‘Run, there’s my pimp’.
Oh I know, Whore Barbie is a model. And I know models often walk around in black lace mini-skirts, fishnet hose, and high boots with their hips jutting out and their hands on their asses. But still. Let’s call a ho a ho. The platinum blonde hair makes her look a little like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Endearing as the movie was, the hooker-with-the-heart-of-gold plot is tough to explain to a third grader.
Maybe you didn’t notice the half-closed eyes, but you can’t ignore purple and gold eye shadow and frosty pink lipstick. The doll’s a walking blowjob. And you can’t tell me that leopard print purse isn’t holding the Blackberry she uses to process PayPal payments from the tech savvy, corporate johns.
It’s not just me. Whore Barbie’s not even allowed to play with her wholesomely anorexic counterparts. It states clearly on the back of the box:
Not for use with other Barbie dolls.
Anyway, thanks again. We’re off to play ‘Find my crack’.
About Lela Davidson
Lela Davidson is the author of Blacklisted from the PTA, Who Peed on My Yoga Mat? and Sexy, Smart, & Search Engine Friendly. Her humor and commentary have been featured in hundreds of websites, magazines, and anthologies. She would love to keep in touch. Click here to authorize updates directly from Lela, and please connect with Lela on Google+ and Facebook.
Funny! (Your post, not the doll). I found a picture of “top model” Barbie online. She is just as you described and, I must say, quite disturbing.
Hey thanks Rhonda – I had totally forgotten that I had a picture too! Isn’t she pretty?
I really needed a laugh this morning.. thanks for the funny post! Thank goodness I have a boy.. unless your whore barbie is calling Jackson’s G.I. ‘Johns’.. then I might have to worry!
Hahahha- what is Barbie trying to do to youth of our nation? Thats crazy….(ps is the pimp sold sep?)
Lela – you are down right hysterical!!!
Funny, my mom doesn’t think so.
Lela, you think Barbie is racy. Miley Cyrus’ 9-year-old sister is developing a line of lingerie for girls about 8 or 9 to 14. Blog on that, my friend.
oh get over yourself. i think there are far more important things in life to worry about then how barbie dresses.
You are brilliant. I am immediately going to buy your book. I have sent a link to your site to all my friends. Thank you!!!
Leanne, thank you! I hope to connect here and the 600 other places I am online.
Alexandra – back atchya! Review copy coming – un-burying myself
Flipping HYSTERICAL!!
And SO true …
I did a post entitled Barbie’s a Slut, and it’s had over 3,000 hits. People are onto that whore….
You know you want to:
http://www.brajas.com/2010/06/barbies-slut.html
Who knew Barbie was so diverse?
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